literature

Death of a Snowman

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Death of a Snowman
By Michele Mixell


There was a most gruesome scene
In the downtown that day,
What remained of the victim  
All slushy & gray.

It was Frosty the Snowman,
Our holiday friend,
Who'd finally met with
A most violent end.

Mrs. Frosty had worried
When the jolly old soul
Hadn't come home from
A late evening stroll.

The police formed a search, and
In that back alleyway
They found Frosty's body,
Half melted away.

The Snowman was dead,
A sad end to his song.
Killed by a hot blow-dryer,
And the murderer gone.

As the crowd gathered round
To see for itself,
Evidence was all pointing
To one Misfit Elf.

Beside the mushy remains
Was a red and green cap,
With a name-tag sewn in,
Just under the flap.

The cops knew that the killer
Dropped that festive derby,
And immediately put out
A warrant for Herby.

At Santa's workshop,
Which was very near,
They found Herby at lunch
With Rudolph the Reindeer.

"All right now, Herby,"
Said the Chief with a grin.
You've got no where to run
So just turn yourself in.

"We know you're the trouble-maker,
That one Misfit Elf.
There's only one thing I want
To find out for myself.

"We know you bumped off Frosty,
I want to know why.
You and the Snowman were pals,
Everyone loved the guy."

"You've got me all wrong," Herby said,
"I've changed in my ways.
I turned my back on those
Misfit Elf days.

"I gave up on dentistry.
Now I make toys,
Just like everyone else,
For the good girls and boys."

"Give it up, Elf," the Chief said
With a big nasty frown.
"We found this hat with your name in
Next to him on the ground."

"You're mistaken again,"
Herby shook his head.
"I lent Rudolph that hat,
You want him, instead."

"That's a lie," Rudolph cried.
"You short little freak!
I swear I never borrowed a hat
From this Misfit geek!"

"I'm being set up," Herby said,
Smiling nervously.
Then he quick as a wink
Snatched a star from the tree.

He stuck the star's point
Against poor Rudolph's neck.
"Come any closer, I cut him,"
Was Herby's threat.

"Let Rudolph go," growled the Chief,
"You've got no way out.
Just let us know what
All this is about."

"Do you have any idea," Herby cried,
"How much money I need
To get in dentistry school
And get my degree?

"Everyone told me Frosty
Was the Snowman to see.
We met downtown last night,
About a quarter of three.

"Frosty had his mittens
In all kinds of dealings.
Some under the table
And real close to stealing.

"I wanted for Frosty
To lend me some dough.
But that stuck-up jerk
Only laughed and said no!

"I got mad when he laughed,
I just lost my head!
I pulled out that blow-dryer,
And then Frosty was dead!

"It was an accident I swear,
That I cannot undo.
Now bring me a chopper,
Or I'll bump off Rudolph, too!!"

Suddenly the Reindeer's nose flashed,
Blinding the Elf,
And then kicked him into
The Barbie Doll shelf.

Herby lay there a minute,
Lost in a haze.
"You're going away," grinned the Chief,
"For the rest of your days."

"Get on your feet, Elf,
And assume the position."
"You can't arrest me," cried Herby,
"I'm a Christmas tradition!"

The Chief laughed, "Herby,
I don't give a rat's tail.
Now rough him up boys,
And then take him to jail!"

There wasn't a trial
Because of Herby's confession.
They say he's now serving
Ten life terms in succession.

A hard lesson to learn,
That there's nothing more sad
Then to fall at the hand
Of a Misfit Elf gone bad.

-The End
so, i though i would re-post last year's warm & fuzzy christmas MURDER poem in the new holidays catagory. the sequel to this piece should premiere within the next week, as soon as i find it! i don't know what it is about x-mas that brings out my most sadistic side, but, well, here it is. please enjoy!!

!!!NOTE!!!

The long-awaited sequel to this tale of holiday violence and death has been released! Don't miss Herby
or you'll be sorry!!!
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Comments12
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Celeras's avatar
Ah, just as good as the second. Boy Herby's messed up. I LOVE IT!
BWAHAHAHA!